I've been told my whole life that I'm smart, that I'm gifted, whatever. But more than ever, lately I feel like it really doesn't mean anything at all. Being the smartest person in the world wouldn't matter as long as someone has no work ethic whatsoever. Very little has the same crippling affect on me as a large project or paper. Nothing quite makes me want to cry for a week like knowing I've disappointed someone because I couldn't make myself focus or care about my work.
Everyday I feel more like I don't deserve the life I am living. I don't deserve the vacations, or the allowance, or the top 10 public college, or the freedom to choose a major that's enjoyable rather than practical. I don't deserve the friends who are already accomplishing more than I may accomplish in my entire life, and I certainly don't deserve their support and comfort when I start feeling this way.
So my goal for right now is not to magically become a straight-A student overnight, but to at least become a hardworking one. I can't give back all the gifts I've been given whether I've deserved them or not, so the only thing I can do is try to make myself worthy.
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